zaah-haev3nly-wenz

after dark

2010-05-27T11:14:00.001+08:00

the wavering images on the tv when the signal is low are like creatures adjusting themselves to their correct forms before they climb out to devour me, and when i looked out of the window i see an uncoloured space, like an abstract idea..

2010 (jan - apr)

2010-05-12T23:32:00.007+08:00

jan - blushing in bkk

feb - anticipating in athens

mar - ueno sensation

apr - alliance français

2010-01-30T01:41:00.001+08:00

sa wat dee khap.. bye bye khap.. (^_^) 12:42AM

250108 - 240110 (1)

2010-01-22T08:39:00.000+08:00

today is the day. breathtaking!

confession of a boy who lost his way home

2010-01-10T21:09:00.000+08:00

Listening to ipod on shuffle's like.. sprinting across an open field in a cool drizzling morning.. and a breath of fresh air pervades your nostril! Alas! A desperate simulation of how my life deserves to be..

ok it's not very auspicious to start the first post of the year with such emo stuffs..
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
i'm happy.
......

i'm not happy.. ]:

so long 2009!!

2009-12-31T23:43:00.001+08:00

Desr God,

2009 is coming to an end, finally.. It has been an eventful year. I fell badly and plunged deep into the bottom of the sea, like an old sunken ship, traversing through the deserted and desolate bottomless water, to become part of the God-knows-who citizens residing underneath. Father Your abounding lovingkindness & blessings tell me that there is always a turning point for me, and I believe in it. In fact i haven't really emerged yet, 3 more weeks to go, heez.. >.<

You love me so much, You never like seeing me being complacent and start wasting my life away. You put me through obstacles, and every hurdle i've crossed i know i'm a step nearer to Your embrace. You never like showing me what's at the end of the path you're leading me to, You wanna put my faith and endurance to their straining limits.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." (PSALMS 23:4)

Father if You can hear me, take me away from the evil, let me follow You through the path of righteousness! Take whatever's left of me, and sanctify it, let me bring glory to Your name. Like how You sent your one & only beloved son Jesus Christ, the Messiah, to earth, and bore our sins & sickness on the cross. His broken body & blood have washed away all our sins, therefore there is no more condemnation amongst us. We leave the judgment to You, for the wicked shall be rewarded as we see.

"Because he holds fast to Me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows My name. When he calls to Me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation." (PSALMS 91:14-16)

The coming year is gonna be a good year, cuz my God is an awesome God! All praise & glory to You and Your son Jesus, for the finished work, we live for eternity! Father please fulfil the wishes I made at the xmas special service, I know You can hear me! Bless me & my family, let happiness imbue this cosy big house! [: Let me excel in my A! Let angie excel in her realm of life science studies too!

For all the great things You've done, for the continual flowing of Your amazing grace & salvation, I say proudly Amen!

2009-12-22T18:15:00.001+08:00

我要快樂我要能睡得安穩哪怕笑得再大聲

a piece of heaven

2009-12-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

after everything, i believe i'll see the heaven. everything turns out good, happiness awaits me, because my God is an AWESOME God! Hallelujah!

2009-12-06T03:57:00.001+08:00

i wanna go home..

2009-11-06T19:42:00.000+08:00

all good things come to an end.. [:

shakespeare in love

2009-10-17T16:06:00.002+08:00

He's fought and he's fallen
He's on his knees before he's on his feet
A sinister romantic
Oh, he's about to be and she's about to see

Teachin' torches to burn bright
She's hanging on the cheek of night
A snowy dove trooping with crows
He never saw true beauty till tonight

CHORUS:
She'll take him to the brink of deliverance
Show him that much
Oh, don't you know it x 2
So he falls in love to feel that he's falling
She'll let him know his heart
Oh, don't you know it x 2
That's Shakespeare in love

He's fought and he's fallen
He's on his knees before he's on his feet
A glittery romantic
Oh, he's about to be and she's about to see

His bounty's boundless like the sea
His love is endless, just as deep
The more he gives the more he has
`Cause both of them are truly infinite

CHORUS

That's Shakespeare in love

A sinister romantic
He's on his knees before he's on his feet

CHORUS x 2

That's Shakespeare in love

2009-10-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

a tub of häagen-dazs belgian choc + motivating songs + cab ride home = i wanna be happy.. [:

dedicated to 091009..

(^_^)

2009-10-09T21:19:00.001+08:00

pastel block. -1984-

english walk. -republic of gilead-

ohh life goes on~

2009-10-02T21:35:00.001+08:00

1 month left. when i look out i could see nothing..

just call my name

2009-09-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

壊れた機械は夢を見ている
永遠に醒めぬ時間を奏でて

あとどれくらいの夜を紡げば
あなたを照らすひかりになれる

手を解かないて
あなたを追って逃げたくなるから
せめてやさしいそのぬくもりに抱かれて　咲かせて

Just call my name (I wanna be there with you)
So call my name (I wanna be free so free)
散りゆくひとひらを (After a while, I get worn down down down)
結んで下さい (I wanna be there with you, I wanna be free so free.)
あなたのその腕で (After a while, I get worn down down down)
わたしはまだわたしでいられる?
Could you get me out of this cipher?

無数に響く音色の中で
わたしの声は　ちゃんと聞こえる

目をそらさないで
あなたの想う　わたしじゃなくても
空白から未来へ綴る調べを捉えて

Just call my name
So call my name
散りゆくひとひらを
数えて下さい　あなたのその胸で
わたしはまだわたしでありたい
Could you get me out of this cipher?

Just call my name
So call my name
散りゆくひとひらを
結んで下さい　あなたのその腕で
Just call my name
So call my name
この目に焼き付けて
沈んでいきたい　あなたのその胸へ
わたしはまだわたしでいられる?
Could you get me out of this cipher?

2009-09-20T03:58:00.001+08:00

i will continue posting glamorous stuffs on fb and unglam stuffs here..

woohoo!

2009-09-20T03:53:00.000+08:00

OMG! blogger is finally back to normal! WOOHOO! i even got myself a wordpress thinking that this time i really have to discard blogger. NO WAY! [:

the atrocious A is coming. GP Math Lit Hist Jap.. dun really wish to grade my progess. shall leave it to God. but i believe i will do my best. God bless!

have been emo-ing quite often. my mind will suddenly go blank and i'll stare into spaces.. and spaces.. none of my buddies could help me.. i believe it's another sign from God i should really depend on myself. i think i'm too dependent.

when i regarded it as somewhere i belong, somewhere i'd learnt many valuable things and somewhere i had bunch of friends to hang out with, i have to leave just because of some hear-says. guess i really have been thinking too much.

2009-09-08T20:35:00.000+08:00

tell me, at the end of everything, will you sit there with me and await the finale?

2009-07-13T20:11:00.001+08:00

i still remember the warmth, the smell of grass, and that scene that will never change..

2009-07-10T11:47:00.000+08:00

if continue holding on to something gives you nothing but turmoils, even if it was something you once endeared a lot, i'd rather let go..

too old too bold

2009-06-07T21:05:00.002+08:00

After contemplating and being bugged for almost an hour at the camera shop..

Me: I think I'll get the sony one.. Thanks.. *smiles miserably*
Camera Uncle: *keeps the olympus camera he was promoting earlier back into the cabinet displeasingly*

I perceived he's quite pissed about me turning down his offer so I thought I should apologize and be a good boy for the day.. (since i juz came back from service)

Me: Sorry for holding you up.. Haha..
Camera Uncle: u tink tink tink so long i want to sleep liao ah.. neber mind one..
Me: Yeah.. Especially when you're getting older..
Camera Uncle: *stare*

i tink the cross gonna fall on me one day, some day. and tampines one really has many interesting people. i shall call them 'mutants'.

1) A confused waitress who mistook her restaurant as some army camps and started telling me the rules & regulations when i was about to make my order. She also mistook me for a kid and started explaining to me the fish & co ice blended beverages are actually big enough for 2 and not the size of shots. and when i wanted to order something from the kids' menu since almost all the appetizers were not available, her reply was, 'sorry kids menu only for 12 and below' (i shall name her after Mystique - Mistook)

2) Another waiter who speaks with a heavy tagalog accent and claimed that his restaurant doesn't serve ice water unless i ask for it, as if his ice were imported from antartica. (iceman)

3) Camera Uncle mentioned above. (Juggernaut's replica - dickhead)

d.a.d

2009-05-27T22:28:00.000+08:00

One night, a father overheard his son prays,

"Dear God, make me the kind of man my Daddy is."

Later that night, the Father prays,

"Dear God, make me the kind of man my son wants me to be."

mum

2009-05-23T10:34:00.001+08:00

When they were younger,
Still youthful, physically abled and vital,
They could've walked faster.

When we were toddlers,
Still innocent, fragile and crawling like little turtles,
They slowed their paces to let us hold on to so that we could walk better.

Now that we are all grown-ups,
Enjoying the urbanic vibrancy and pursuing our dreams so high up,
With a gait so fast they could no longer catch up.

And they are getting older,
Ailing but still wiliing to keep the house in order,
While hoping the best for our endeavours.

Shouldn't we slow our paces too?
To let our mums catch up and hold on to?

They really could've walked faster last time.. You know?

3 passions

2009-05-14T21:47:00.001+08:00

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

3 passions - Bertrant Russel

the value of knowledge

2009-05-13T22:13:00.001+08:00

There was this small island and the only source of power for all the inhabitants was a generator. Well, one day it stopped working and the islanders began to panic. There were two mechanics that could possibly fix the machine on the island, and they decided to call the one they believed who had the most extensive training. This young man had an transcendent education littered with degrees and certificates in engine repair and had his erudition attained from one of the newest and modern schools that had the latest technology.

The young man worked on the generator all day, dimantling and assembling the parts several times but to no avail. Frustrated he even kicked and banged on it a few times. He just could not seem to warrant for his incompetence and explain what was wrong with the machine.

Presumably they called for the other older mechanic who had a far less formalized education and had acquired most of his knowledge directly from some of the greatest generator mechanics from the mainland. This bloke approached the generator and walked around it poring extremely hard. He stood for a second, and thenceforward, as if knocking on a door, he loudly knocked on the generator twice. To the amazement of everyone, it stupendously started up! The mechanic left and sent them a bill for five thousand dollars and fifty cents.

Though the islanders were quite delighted with the results, the bill seemed way too excessive since he was only there for twenty seconds and all he did was knock on the generators twice. "Come on!" They complained, "$5,000.50 for two knocks, that's crazy!"

The old mechanic replied, "No, no. The fifty cents is for the knocks; for I only charge twenty-five cents per knock. The five thousand dollars, that's for knowing where to knock."

the guy who never fails to make me smile..

2009-05-13T21:27:00.001+08:00

in the middle of the night when i believe i must be sleeping and offline..

XXXXX sent 5/13/2009 12:27 AM:
i think you will vomit now if you are in my shoes lor. cos your twin brother is like spewing vulgarities out of his rotten mouth in the background la.
XXXXX sent 5/13/2009 12:28 AM:
he is so disgusting he should just DIE.

he's so cute.. HAHA!

now life has killed the dream i dreamed..

2009-04-16T22:08:00.001+08:00

forlorn

2009-03-29T23:10:00.002+08:00

Trail of undulating and warped beliefs,
I stagger.
Chant of nonedescript and archaic syllables,
I stutter.

Rays of light rushed into the room through the window of cold metal.
Specks of dust reflected clearly upon the glass and flatware glisten.
Yet I fumble around in the darkness rummaging for something long lost.
I am blatantly debasing myself.

Waves of ineffable and sinister morbidity,
I shudder.
Reveries of unrelieved and misleading falsity,
I spawn.

Under the embrace of warmth from Mother Nature the flowers wither.
The living beings make space while the dead walk the Earth.
Hitting on the black & white ivory keys I play the sad melodies of a tune once bubbly.
I am aware of the bellowing distended shadows behind me.

Alas! I can only helplessly behold myself diminishing.

2009-03-25T21:23:00.002+08:00

This is interesting: 100 movies to see before you die

sadly i've only seen less than 10.. =[

2009-03-08T23:06:00.001+08:00

Native English speakers often poke fun of the strange English found in Japanese advertising and whatnot. What about strange Japanese? I was watching Resident Evil lll - Extinction, when I noticed the above sign in a scene in Tokyo where zombies roamed the street. Those that don't understand Japanese will go "meh" and move on. Those that do, like me, will probably start scratching their heads and find themselves in a shroud of quaintness. Let me explain:

The Kanji, or the Japanese characters, have absolutely nothing to do with "Tokyo Metro" or "Zatoichi Square". It looked like they picked random characters out: 夜空雪風 "Night, sky, snow, wind" and 考楽火月星 "Thought, music, fire, moon, star." Who the fuck are they trying to con man? If it were Tokyo Metro it would be written 東京地下鉄 or 東京メトロ or simply JR (Japan Railway). I'm not sure about Zatoichi Square, because from what I know through my several trips to Tokyo it doesn't seem to exist. I mean c'mon they spent millions to create this blockbuster movie, why can't they spend a little more effort by asking the sushi maker in Little Japan in downtown LA or some chicks from Tokyo how to write 'Tokyo Metro' in Japanese? And if they're kind enough they won't even charge you for that.

Maybe I wasn't the only one that noticed it. But anyway, I found it hilarious, it's as if they didn't expect people who know Japanese to watch it. Idiots! Or maybe it's some post-apocalyptic Tokyo where all the characters are changed and don't make sense anymore. (zombies language?) Congratulations, Paul W. S. Anderson and his team! Your ability to mangle the Japanese language has impressed us all.

appalling speech about LV

2009-03-08T07:25:00.006+08:00

It was a placid and cooling afternoon. I was surfing facebook when I came across the fangroup of this irresistable & dainty designer label - LV.

It is unanimously agreed that owning a LV bag or wallet is voluptuous. It enthralls everyone with its exquisiteness and makes us spend thousands to buy them of our own volition. (if you notice someone prominently emaciated and owns a new LV bag out of a sudden you should know how many times he or she has fainted!) I believe this fever will never deaden and the absurd caprice of turning away from it will never occur.

For me, I personally feel that owning a designer label product is not for its usability or utility at all. It is a piece of iconography used to express individual identity. And most of all, it's PRETTY. I would also like to institute an awareness that people should stop pursuing these products blindly! Apparently this is a game for the riches, and no glamour can conceal the fact that you skipped lunch for half a year just to own a branded product.

OK so i was at this fangroup, and a post alluding to lessons on LV whetted me. Initially I thought I would gain something beneficial from the post, because it was stated 'lessons', but to my dismay it was nothing more than a 2 cents worth article pervaded with nonsensical racism and imbalance judgements which brought tumultuous effects among the readers.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Desmond Pereira (Australia) wrote on December 16, 2008 at 2:43pm

Why is it that so-called fans of Louis Vuitton can't actually pronounce his name and know little or nothing of the Vuitton Heritage, so they call the label "LV"? They don't even realise Louis is long dead!

In my opinion, if you can't pronounce the name and don't know the history and heritage of the products, you really shouldn't be sporting this line of baggage and accessories.

Sorry fans, but Vuitton has a certain class and sophistication about the label dating back a long time and it has a certain chic about it.

Too many young things (especially the Asian Market) who buy their bags don't know a thing about the label. One really needs Class to carry off this line.

It's like wearing a Rolex or Longines watch, or Chanel or Dior or Gucci, in fact, any great designer label for that matter. So come on fans, at least learn a little about the heritage of this brand or learn how to pronounce the name correctly instead of "LV" before you are seen flashing your bags in public!

My sister and I have been collecting Vuitton luggage and accessories since 1985. She still does, but I don't. Owning Vuitton has become so common, that anyone in the world with a bit of new money can afford to buy these products (genuine or replica), but yet have no class, manners, personality nor education; but money cannot buy class, unfortunately.

I used to work for Vuitton in Sydney a few years ago where knowing Japanese language was an essential part of employment and I still have friends who work there. I now work in an environment that features permanent in-house Vuitton displays for their city salon and I'm surrounded by their ever changing display of products on a weekly basis.

Most of the Asian clients I meet own Vuitton or some other major designer bag or accessory; but they are new money, extremely rude, have very poor manners, no education and a very common outlook - but they have a lot of money to throw around.

It's not about knowing their products, but about the heritage and history (featured in movies through the years/ celebrity advertising/artwork/etc) and how to behave professionally when sporting a prestige designer label.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Richard Louis Beh's replies to Desmond's post on January 16, 2009 at 10:30am

so you're trying to say only westerners like u deserve to own LV? i mean c'mon u r not selling LV. u r not LV himself. wat right do u have to make remarks on asians on the perspective of LV?

i have to admit tat LV is a great designer and buyers definitely need to have some 'class' to own them. look at the price!! i admit i know little of him because i'm not in the fashion industry. BUT DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE DESIGNER IN ORDER TO BUY THEIR GOODS!!! IF THAT'S SO ALL THE BRANDED LABELS ARE SO NOT GONNA SELL THEIR GOODS CUZ EVERYONE NEEDS TO STUDY AT LEAST 1 YEAR ABOUT THE DESIGNERS BEFORE OWNING THEM!! AND DO ALL THE WHITES WHO CARRY LV KNOW ABOUT LV?!!!

i'm from asia and all of us here carry LV. WE CAN AFFORD!! WE LIKE CALLING IT LV. THEY ARE WILLING TO SELL US! SO SHUT UP AND GO HOP AROUND WITH THE KANGEROOS DOWN UNDER! MORON!!

oh ya u keep mentioning about the 'young things'..

u'll never understand the 'young things' cuz you're an old FAGGOT! you'll never get your youth no matter how many LV bags u carry or how much you know about LV. no wonder u're so interested in the history of LV. BACAUSE YOU YOURSELF ARE GONNA BECOME A HISTORY SOON. OLD THING!

i suggest u go for botox on both your face and ass.. cuz your ass is sagging.

and i tink u're a gay.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And guess what. I have my own supporters now. =]

2009-03-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

a nice tune. and i love the pictures. =]

2009-02-13T23:03:00.001+08:00

babyworld.. =]

2009-02-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

i just wasted 1 1/2 hr of my life..

HE SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND FUCK OFF!!!!!

2009-02-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

fuck.

i'm out.

G.U.C.C.I.E.D

2009-01-29T22:53:00.001+08:00

step back from that ledge my friend

2009-01-18T00:56:00.002+08:00

how many 'yes' have you said in your whole life?
how many of them were which you'd really meant it?

light up, light up

2009-01-12T23:02:00.005+08:00

I HATE CROWDS & LONG QUEUES!

i dun understand. wat constitutes a human crowd? a human crowd is a group of people who gather together and nothing is done. a stagnant mass to be precise. now they're really blocking the people who got things to do!

i went to the bank today. (i wont say which bank even if a fork is poked into my nostril) and when i stepped in i was thrown into a commotion. a complete mayhem! i was disgusted by the number of people inside. imagine the scene in a market and try to put it in the bank. awesome isn't it? and guess what, most of them were there to collect the free chinese new year red packets. this lady working in the bank who stood next to me was attending to the increasing congestion of people and all she said was, 'sorry all our red packets had been distributed.' repeatedly. you can really see the disappointment reflected upon the people's face.

oh i came across this interesting blog. it was initiated by a group of eurasian bloggers in their teens i suppose, and their purpose is to share with the world what asia really is. they travel to different parts of asia (mostly south-east asia) and post about their experiences and photos. and one of their posts really caught my attention..

How to say 'fuck you' in south east asia.

i was so busy that i forgot a very important date! 9th jan! oscar's birthday! haha! sorry oscar! happy 2nd birthday! i'll make it up next yr.. =]]]]

last last last thing to say! as i was blogging amel n diva bugged me in facebook to tell them a secret. haha! alot of memories were brought back. a photo of our reunion in facebook has actually became a reminiscing corner. haha. changkat changi! haiz...

enjoy this wonderful performance put up by leona lewis in x-factor. my first video for the year!
light up, light up..

2009-01-03T00:10:00.001+08:00

i'm back! =]]]]]]]]]]

i <3 budapest! [heroes' square]

run baby run

2008-12-27T15:59:00.003+08:00

this is a very long post.

whilst gasping for breathe when the marvelousity of budapest astounded me and preoccupying with photo-taking, i realised i have yet written a formal year-end post. i just got back from dinner with mum, had a nice grilled baby lamb leg with rosemary and red wine. yumyum! i thought i wouldn't get to write this post. luckily the hotel that i'm currently inhabiting has internet connection, and this kind reception lady allowed me to use the computer for a while! kohs-zoh-nom!

where do i begin with? this is the question that has been circling inside my mind when i first thought of writing the last post for 2008. 2008 is indeed a year of thrills and perils. i know that inevitably i'll be affected by the emotions and occurances that i had came across but i'll try my best not to let them hinder the completion of this post. and i shall divide them into categories, to mark the end of this wonderful year a neat and beautiful way.

Leaving MK (Early Jan)
working in MK as a website/graphic designer was my last involvement before enlisting. as i had mentioned earlier, i really love this job, cuz it's not really that stressing. it's just that i havent really gotten accustomed to being overseen by overbearing bosses and unfriendly remarks reflected upon me. but i know that all these are unavoidable, you'll get to see good & nasty people simultaneously out there.

lady boss gave me a big red packet, as a recognition for my endurance throughout the whole employment period? haha. i'm sure MK is not that affecting enough to make me emo in the midst of leaving them. cuz something more horrible was awaiting. i knew it.

BMT (Late Jan - Early Mar)
i was lost. like a helpless child left stranded on the street. the thing is, i knew where my parents were, but i gotta face this alone, i gotta find the exit, the end to all the nightmares myself. no one can help me. i didn't know what would the ending be. i didn't know what was awaiting me at the end of this tunnel. i didn't know if there were light at the end. i just kept walking in the dark. kept walking..

i had been having sleepless nights. i prepared my stuffs by myself, checking the list, putting them neatly into the bag i newly bought. i knew that my parents were affected too, just like me, but we did not let our emotions flow, we kept it inside, cuz we know that this had to come. when that day came, my mum broke down in tears on the phone, they couldnt make it back to send me off. but i prefered it that way though.. i hoisted the bag onto my right shoulder, and headed for my unknown destination, embarked on this perilous voyage alone. everything changed.

when i was in the ferry, i was still thinking, what am i doing, am i doing the right thing? everything was so ramshackle, just like the ferry ride. then came the island, the isolation from what i used to be. my identity kept, name lost, dignity tarnished. the lunch wasnt delicious at all ok?!~ i had it alone. next our stuffs were collected, two big bags, no belts like what the airport do, no bellboy, you gotta DIY. i still remember this conversation i had with a guy i cant remember who it is.

The guy: we can take the lift right?
Me: i think so..

NO! we carried them all the way up to 4th storey. i almost fainted. we were allocated into our rooms, looking at my room mates, 'eww!~ he's so fat! eww!~ is he my buddy?! eww!~ he looks like 40!' after that i gotta change into a brown tee and black shorts, and came flying down my hairs, my stylish hairstyle.. prickling specks of hair irritated me while concentrating, or was i too emotional? *plays [emotion] by destiny's child* why couldn't they let us shower first? i was wondering was i in jail or hell. later then i realised it was both. the shower, mass shower to be precise, cool, i've never seen so many sausages in my life. after the emo phonecall back home, i forced myself to sleep. and there came another day..

i panicked when i made mistakes. i let out a sigh of relief when someone lent me a helping hand. soon chinese new year came. i had never treasured chinese new year that much. no matter how fun it was, back in i had to go again. this went on for 7 weeks, in and out, unknowingly everything ended. I MADE IT!

ironically, i miss the life during bmt, i really do.

Seattle (Mid Mar)
she opened the door and was appalled. i thought my hair had petrified her. when she ragained her senses, we hugged. that moment i knew where i belong. and i'm glad. this tentative separation will only bring us nearer and our bonds stronger. i'll never forget the nod she gave me atop the space needle. o yes, she's the one i wanna marry.

OETI (Late Mar - Mid Jun)
i spent 4 months here. the most sweet and unforgettable phase of the year. i learnt nothing though. i only gained a bunch of crazy buddies, and hatred for tanks & engines! =/

at first i sticked with my bmt buddies. i refused to leave my comfort zone and talk to other people. i refused to work and learn, cuz everything was dirty, filthy, oily, disgusting & all the negative words you can ever find in the dictionary. i know that i was unwelcomed at first, a slacker, an ill-bred ass.

gradually i began to accept the shit-hole i was in. i began to do my work. and here came you guyz, one by one. we did hell lotsa shit together, laughed together, played together. we became inseparable.

Auxiliary Staff (Mid Jun - Mid July)
i couldn't bear with it no longer. the rash was excruciating! so were the exams and practicals. to hell with them! fuck shit the instructors! i'm gonna lose my mind sooner or later if i dun quit. so i quitted. (i never knew quitting can be so easily done!)

came along with my departure was sorrow and melancholy. stayed in the office for 1 month, when i was about to get used to my life without the gang, i was put into another shithole.

LOBO (Mid Jul - Late Sep)
Left-out of-battalion-order. equivalent to trash. the suckest phase of the year. it's also the phase i read the most number of books. cuz practically i did nothing everyday. come to think of it, that's really scary. AND THIS CARRIED ON FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS!!

o well, things got better when i was attached up there. =]

SOA/PAD (Late Sep - Now)
after loafing around, back down again to attend the course. most fucked up and depressed phase of the year. had at least 2 tests every week! this went on for another 3 months, and amazingly i'd made it through, together with the company of my ammo buddies.

Now i'm back up there with something glorious, an identity.

Cross over
with 2008 coming to an end, i wanna thank God, for making me able to pull through every hardship, and allowing me to meet so many nice people out there. i believe 2009 will be another year of exciting happenings and unforgettable memories! hereby i wish all my beloved family and friends merry xmas & happy new year!

oh and i'll be back next weekend. =]]]]]]]]]]]

2008-12-19T19:19:00.001+08:00

visit this website --> http://savethewords.org/

there is a whole list of obsolete words that even an english vocab guru like me had never came across them before. really an eye-opener!

i'm busy. ciao!

2008-12-15T18:39:00.001+08:00

3 extremely hopeless and lazy boys are playing wii in a room.

Terenz: i'm starving man..
Rich: you have $$? i dun wanna withdraw anymore. *cross arms*
Terenz: *shakes head* i juz bought a new stereo system for my car. i'm broke.
Justin: terenz go ask from your sis lah!
Terenz: Hell no! i'm the older bro, i'm not gonna ask from her!

thinking that extorting $$ from someone younger to buy food is really shameless, the 3 of them kept quiet. Until..

Terenz: *stands up* fuck care lah! chloe..!
Rich: *stands up and marches out of the room* aiya i go withdraw lah!

261107 - 261108

2008-12-05T22:40:00.001+08:00

i actually forgot to update my blog on this very important date: 26th Nov

it's 1 year anniversary since i first started to blog. well. 1 year had gone past. 2008 is a very significant year throughout my whole life so far. everything began excruciatingly, ended up as a jubilance. this made me believe happiness do comes along after every hardship. and you reap what you sowed. =]

i'll blog more next time. it's getting late!

hereby i wish all my frenz an early happy xmas!

2008-11-27T20:53:00.001+08:00

i listened to mariah carey's hero till i felt like crying..

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on..

...

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong..
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you..

2008-11-27T19:49:00.002+08:00

i hope i hadn't made the wrong choice..

just like a pill

2008-11-20T19:56:00.000+08:00

aspirin? morphine? ecstacy?

yesterday & today are happy days wahaha! so fuck shit all the emo stuffs i wrote earlier. actually it's not that bad man. i really gotta see things at the brighter side. too much dosage of emo pills kills! =] you know what i'm sayin' sexy?

ok so instead of taking our usual cosy route home, adrian & i actually cabbed to novena square velocity just to get donuts! what an atrociousity! but it's a fulfilling task man haha!

the deja vu today was great, except for the part which i reminisced the past with teary eyes. alright i know it's silly but o well, the feeling was just too overwhelming..

more good happenings are on their way!

a very sad post

2008-11-14T19:34:00.003+08:00

i havent been blogging for a very long time. yes many things did happened indeed. but i dunno where to start from, i dunno how to end it, i dunno why i'm like this, i dunno wat's wrong with me now. i find that gradually i'm losing myself. (ok i know i've mentioned this many times. but seriously i am!)

a little pinch of aesthetic.

i feel insubstantial. i can only get rancour out of my life. i'd do anything if the turmoils can be made diminishable. i feel like i'm breaking down into pieces, bits by bits, blown away by the autumn wind, scattered all over and mingled with the yellowish dried leaves, and swept away by the sweeper and tada! RICHARD YOU'RE DEAD!

i almost gave up.

a little sense of solace.

Time
God seems to be kinda niggardly with time. especially when you're enjoying, the day just finishes faster. but when you're suffering, time passes by slowly. the feeling is like you're plodding from the weight of an elephant behind your back and you have to walk the silk road. hellish right?

i have no time for my books, fav dramas, take pictures, take up lessons to enrich myself, or even spend time with my family. GREAT!

a little moment of my own.

Impasse
there is no way back, once you're in this cul-de-sac, you can only keep on walking. i've mentioned before back then, i dun have a choice of my own life anymore, i'm perplexed by the complexity of the daily happenings. i'm still trying to fathom the intricacy of this puzzle.

Contradiction
*THIS PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN OMITTED DELIBERATELY TO AVOID MELANCHOLY OVERFLOW*

Wait
if life is a roller-coaster ride, mine is still at the boarding/alighting platform awaiting the operator to press the 'start' button. i have yet embarked on my own voyage. wat i am going through is just shit. PURE SHIT.

a little while of solitude.

i strongly believe that after all the ups and downs, at the end of the day i'll see a blue blue sky. a place where all jaded souls go after they have completed their mission.

a little glimpse of heaven.

2008-11-02T10:41:00.001+08:00

curious incident of the dog in the day-time

2008-10-18T21:31:00.001+08:00

richard is getting peculiar. why is he peculiar? these are the list of his peculiar behavior that i've been observing this few days and i find them very peculiar.

(1)he's peculiar because he laughs by himself.
(2)he's peculiar because he talks to himself.
(3)he's peculiar because he keeps going out without bringing me along. grr..

therefore..

i've decided to run away from home!!

this is the 74th times he calls my name wrongly.

i made 2 frenz on the way. meet sexy & horny.

i saw a clear boundary. it's either black or white.

then i went to hitch a ride. but no one was willing to help me.

so i waited at the bus stop.

oh is that a cab?

suddenly..

suddenly i have this thought..

o well nowhere's better than home. woof! =]

2008-10-15T18:43:00.001+08:00

so you think you know me? HAHA! think otherwise..
answer the questionnaire below promptly.

1) What's my full name?
a. Richard Louis Beh Zhao Wen
b. Behwatch Behna Lewis
c. Teo Chee Hian

2) What's my current occupation?
a. Soldier
b. Student
c. Male whore

3) How many girlfriends have I had?
a. 3 including current one.
b. Single all along.
c. 23 male ones excluding those who impregnated me.

4) Which are the realm of fields that I wish to study in university?
a. Languages, English Literature, History & Politics
b. IT
c. Prostitution

5) How many siblings do I have?
a. One younger brother.
b. One elder sister.
c. 52 brothers and 83 sisters excluding those illegitimates.

6) Who's the woman that I respect and adore the most?
a. My mum
b. My girlfriend
c. Lydia Sum

7) What will I do when I'm pissed off?
a. Walk away silently. Swear and cry to myself in a corner.
b. Beat up the person who ignited the spark.
c. Dance Para Para or sing a Mariah Carey ballad on the spot.

8) What is the craziest thing I have ever done?
a. Did a vibrato in the toilet when a sergeant major walked in.
b. Jumped down from my room.
c. Slept with Whitney Houston and gave birth to Mini Me.

9) What is my favorite pastime?
a. Taking pictures, Traveling & Reading
b. Talking to myself.
c. Playing mahjong with Lydia Sum, Leslie Cheung & Anita Mui.

10) How would you describe me?
a. Jovial & Lovable. Quiet at times.
b. Hot-tempered and grumpy
c. Obnoxious. A total retard! I can’t stand him!!

Answer
Mostly A: Wassup bro? No one knows me better than you do man.
Mostly B: I think you've misunderstood me.
Mostly C: WTF! Get outta my life!!

every cicada's cry is a step ahead

2008-09-29T20:51:00.003+08:00

You are strongly recommended to read the following article before continuing if you hadn't done so.

My Frustration Fades Away With The Cicadas' Cries

richard's life had gotten better. previously the ramshackleness had it totally ruptured apart. he took every step with uncertainty, like walking on a piece of rope in the middle of the air with nothing to hold on to. sometimes he seemed to be gyrating, cuz he couldn't find a way out. all he did was wait.. wait.. and wait.. but everything is back to normal now. the cavity of his life was properly mended. the effort was paid. he's alive once again.

back at the farm the long-awaited course had started. along with other slavery comrades, richard attended classes and began to accustom himself to the things he's learning. he also learnt that his demeanour and speech have to be expressed gingerly, because the milieu of snobbishness and hunger for authority that he's living in now had taught him so. however his obstinacy had never changed a bit. somehow the excitement of going against the rigidity of rules & regulations seems fun to him. =] he also thinks that their enforcers are simply preposterous. and he's oblivious of the severity of the penance, which is very disturbing to his friends and family...

in the midst of all the on-going events, he misses his friends and the life he used to have. whenever he's alone he'll pray to God for his friends & family, in gratitude of the love and care they had given him all along.

whenever he feels the serenity, the cries of cicadas, the cooling wind, the lightly tinted blue sky flushed with white clouds that resembled marshmallows, he knows that his prayer has been answered.

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

the contradicting animosity between me & me

2008-09-21T21:58:00.001+08:00

lately this ez-link card is really getting me on my nerves. i dunno why but it just seems so ambivalent when i'm ruminating where to keep the card after using it. my pockets, my card holder, my wallet, or simply fling it into my bag. yes such unobtrusive matters could actually bring me down. HOW FUTILE I AM!!

and when i need to use it again, i cant remember where i'd kept it. everytime i have to stand at the door and search for it frantically, hair dishevelled, sweats exuding from my forehead and drooling like some retard and the bus driver would be thinking whether to kick me off the bus and drive off or simply close the door and have my torso wedged in between, and speed off with my upper body protruding outside the bus screaming hysterically.

oh but things dun always turn out bad. lady luck does smile at me. =] yesterday i had to meet up with royston at tampines, and as i was approaching the bus stop, my bus was already there and about to depart. as you know i have paperthin skin, i'm never gonna chase after the bus as if i'm tom hanks in 'cast away' beckoning hopelessly at the sight of ships. so i sat down cross-armed, lamenting to myself how unlucky i was while the bus drove off. but to my astonishment another bus drove in! HAHA! delightedly i boarded the bus, which was unexpectedly spacious and empty. it was really prudent of me not to chase after the first bus.

had been committing sins with nigel these few days. arghhh! Heavenly Father i'm penitent of them. please forgive me! i know people out there must be thinking, soldiers nowadays are getting richer & richer, but but i've been good these days, and i'll give & take simultaneously.

this doesn't taste as nice as it seems.

sins sins sins..

slaves do have their moments too.

and lastly, i'll never forget the crazy days i spent up there, with nigel and hans. all the jokes, sai-kangs, sentries..

yesterday is a picturesque memory for you to indulge in, while tomorrow is a new destination waiting for you to embark on.

dis moi (say me) - bb brune

2008-09-17T21:39:00.001+08:00

hot and erotic rendezvous by the beach

2008-09-12T23:56:00.002+08:00

woah it was a superbly wonderful evening! every enjoying moments were so spontaneous and fully indulged by everyone i presume. crazy, hectic, ecstatic.. a mayhem!! all of us were simply outta our minds.. but i'm glad we did.. *shrieking hysterical laughter*

ok so majority of the btt29b crazy fellas, who were posted to the hideous 'abyss of boon lay' camp, they're having this cohesion day shit @ east coast. well initially i thought i couldnt go, cuz sadly i aint one of them.. *bemoan* i was moody and crestfallen. but calvin rang me at the eleventh hour, saying that i could actually go! =]

we had the best drama ever played on tvb. definitely worthy to be anticipated. compounding to that we have real live sex scenes, incests, gays, betrayal. MUST WATCH! *looking around furtively for police*

starring wilbur, me, sam, calvin, loo, sleepy, vane, sk, shawn, rallen, jarrod, jr

Take 1: Steady and formal.

Take 2: OMG this is crazy!!

kinda blur. (king wilbur, lady zs & slutty rich @ bk)

that's most apt to be the happiest gathering we had so far man. moments to be cherished. band of broz. CLASS B DRINK UP! ARMOUR!!

Allô le monde (Hello World) - Pauline

2008-09-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

Il paraît que les nouvelles ne sont pas si bonnes
Que le moral descend
Et que les forces t'abandonnent
J'entends
Tous les gens
Parler de tes histoires
Que l'avenir qui t'attend
Se joue sur le fil du rasoir

Qu'en est-il de l'amour?
Des larmes et de la peine?
De la vie de tous les jours?
De la paix sereine?

*Allô le monde?
Est-ce que tout va bien?
Allô le monde?
Je n'y comprends plus rien...
Allô le monde?
Prends soin de toi...
Allô le monde?
Ne te laisse pas aller... comme ça... comme ça...*

Quel est le nom du mal dont tu subis la fièvre?
Les étranges idéaux, les hystéries funèbres?
Dis-moi ce que je peux faire de ma petite place,
Quels sont les actes et les mots qui peuvent t'aider à faire face?

Pousser à la révolte,
Pour faire le premier pas,
Semer pour qu'on récolte,
Pour crier mon effroi...

Repeat **

2008-09-04T21:30:00.001+08:00

A shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for 40 days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop the mountain. It was there that the wise man lived.

When he met the wise man, he was busily conversing with someone else, and he had to wait for 2 hours before it was his turn to be given the man's attention.

The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn't have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in 2 hours.

"Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something," said the wise man, handing the boy with a teaspoon that held 2 drops of oil. "As you wonder around, carry this spoon with you without spilling the oil."

The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After 2 hours he returned to the wise man.

"Did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? The garden that took the master gardener 10 years to create? The beautiful parchments in my library?" asked the wise man.

The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern was not to spill the oil.

"Go back and observe the marvels of my world. You cannot trust a man if you don't know his house." commanded the wise man.

Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and continued his exploration, observing all the things that the wise man had mentioned. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.

"But where are the drops of oil?" inquired the wise man.

Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy discovered the oil was gone.

"The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never forget the drops of oil on the spoon." said the wise man briefly.

Extracted from 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho

ciao bella - rose

2008-08-28T19:50:00.001+08:00

c'est magnifique!

2008-08-17T21:57:00.001+08:00

Just got back from a game of tennis. WOAH!! singapore finally made it! managed to catch the ceremony, tears of pride shedded when the flag of singapore was rising. 48 years of curse had been broken! HAHA!! i'm proud of the girls man. *thumbs up*

die knowing myself rather than live without an identity

2008-08-17T17:49:00.003+08:00

To like and dislike. It's an amazing thing. Some people tend to be kinda troublesome or fussy cuz they insist on getting the things they want, and never accept anything that they abhor. While some take anything they were given, cuz they do not have much preferences, they are less picky. Which type of people are you? Which type do you prefer?

I am the fussy one. I know exactly what I like, and I can't stand carrying or wearing something I hate. Well if there're no better alternatives, I'd rather not have it. And you have to know what you like specifically, if not you'll become indecisive, and I think that's worse than being fussy.

In life you have to take lots of decisions, if not you would never do anything because you would spend all your time choosing between things. Therefore it's good to know what you hate or like.

I personally find the fussy people more interesting. You can know their personalities from their fussiness or choices. They sure know themselves well. And there're things for you to think through while your fussy friends are choosing something they wanna buy. "Why'd he prefer something like this?" "Well I'd definitely never gonna buy that." Even if I couldn't find an answer after contemplating, I'm glad that I was thinking, instead of having nothing done while waiting. =]

Life is very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about it, but it'll make you richer.

2008-08-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

i love graffiti.

i love fern-like objects. (even dried one..)

i love my neighbourhood. (no flag no flag no flag!)

i love trees.

i love dogs.

i love oscar!

i love.. i love.. i love.. next time...

despite the disquietness out there i am still myself

2008-08-13T10:16:00.003+08:00

i had had my operation. trust me it's not something nice. albeit it was a successful one but till now i still experience acute gastric cramps. and from the splodges of bloodstain on my briefs, the bleeding seems to get worse, Red Cross might wanna consider opening one blood bank down there.

i was admitted, and expectedly the hospital was filled with nurses from china. there was this chinese nurse, who came to assist me in changing, spoke to me in her VERY heavy accent. well due to the mounting exposure to china on tv during the szechuan earthquake and olympics period, i thought i'd picked up the way how the chinese speak. so here's our conversation. (p.s. i was wearing the disgusting slaves' uniform)

Nurse: 穿着這件制服的感覺怎樣?
Richard: 我覺得...自己很骯髒兒! (tried my best to speak like a pekingnese)
Nurse: 為什麽呢? *astonished*
Richard: *contemplating* 我覺得自己很像..做雞! 做很多骯髒的工作! 可是很少薪水!
Nurse: ...

i wanted to say i felt like a dirty whore. but what the hell i forgot how to say that in mandarin! i decided to stop speaking as i saw her wrinkles revealing prominently on her forehead as she frowned. actually i wanted to recommend her some anti-ageing facial products that my mum's using but i refrained myself from doing it and eluded another embarassment by saying i need a rest. ok so impersonating a pekingnese failed!

before the operation came another wierd indian bloke. who's probably a janitor.

Wierd indian bloke: excuse me do u have hair on your backside?
Richard: No! (what do you mean i have hair on my backside?)
Wierd indian bloke: If have i need to shave off for you. *smile*
Richard: *refuse to visualize the image* No thanks!

and so i repudiated the offer by saying i need a rest again and he left.

Try to fill your life with a little fantasy; above our head is a sky about which the whole of humanity - after thousands of years spent observing it - has given various apparently reasonable explanations. Forget everything you've ever learned about the stars and they'll once more be transformed into angels, or into children, or into whatever you want to believe at that moment. It won't make you more stupid - after all, it's only a game - but it could enrich your life.

when the anesthesia's taking its effect, i thought i saw you. undoubtedly you were on my mind before i lost consciousness.

MC for another week. i hope i could recuperate from all illness and ennui as soon as possible, cuz Her Majesty is coming back to court next month. i gotta annotate all the royal movies (the other boleyn girl!) and learn how to welcome a queen back. curtsies, bodice & stomacher, and a whole night of stamina. ('_')

boom de ah dah

2008-08-06T21:31:00.003+08:00

I love the mountains
I love the clear blue skies
I love Big Bridges
I love when Great White’s fly

I love the whole world
And all its sights and sounds
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah

I love the oceans
I love the dirty things (Mike Rowe - Dirty Jobs)
I love to come fast
I love Egyptian Kings

I love the whole world
And all its craziness
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah (Richard Machowicz - Future Weapons)
Boom De Ah Dah

I love tornados
I love arachnids (Bear Grylls - Man vs. Wild)
I love hot magma
I love the giant squid

I love the whole world
It’s such a brilliant place
Boom De Ah Dah (Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman - Mythbusters)
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah (Stephen Hawking)
Boom De Ah Dah

Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah
Boom De Ah Dah

Stephen Hawking! he's the guy on the wheelchair. he's a british theoretical physicist and professor of mathematics at the university of cambridge. unfortunately he's suffering from an illness called amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, which causes maladies like not able to talk or walk normally. i really admired him, cuz in spite of his disabilities, he'd made great contributions, especially to the realm of cosmology studies. books written by him were on the british sunday times bestseller list for more than 200 weeks! what a phenomenon! and in the video he has this machine that helps him to speak.

AND I <3 THIS CRAZY WORLD!! =]

tonight i'm feeling blue

2008-08-02T23:59:00.002+08:00

MIA for so long. i'm perfectly fine, maybe not physically, heh! ok something went wrong with my gastric, rectum to be precise. let's omit the gross part and jump to the conclusion. the symptoms are gastric cramps, loss of appetite & nausea. mc and bedridden for 2 weeks plus. undergoing an op in days to come, just a tiny one. =]

other than the excruciating turmoils from my gastric, nothing much happened though. i just feel that my life is getting emptier and wasted. i cant even laugh heartily now. i feel that understanding a person is even more impossible to accomplish than exploring the universe. it's so hard to be habituated to the anomalies and instabilities. the uneasiness is like holding on to a rope hanging in the air, and the reliance on the rope seems to get weaker, as if it's bound to snap. i'm tired of this feeling. tired of self-accusing had i done something wrong again this time.

i believe candles are lighted not to be hidden behind the door, they're lighted for light. everything has its purposes.

went to the marketplace just now. and was hopping with joy when i saw the advertisement '2 for $1.80'!

vitasoy!

alone in the room again tonight. tv's on but the sound turned off. 'the witch of portobello' and a packet of vitasoy is all i have. phone's off, lights off, curtains drawn. to hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

rendezvous down under

2008-07-20T15:24:00.005+08:00

out of a sudden i miss the old days when i had my rejuvenating internship in sydney not so long ago. that's where i bechanced to befriend my lifelong buddies royston, weixin & aaron.

those were the days we woke up early in the morning and jogged around the Kensington suburb estate before reporting for work, which miraculously i didn't perspire much. drove up to the North Bondi Beach or Double Bay during weekends to have fun. (the scoreboard & cupcake joke!) royston & me also used to cycle around and explore Randwick, the city we stayed for almost half a year. Not to omit the university of NSW, where i'd met wonderful people like Mrs Oakley and learnt many many precious experiences.

the sceneries, the scents, the climate, the people, the fun & laughter we had. especially the sunset. hmm you need some clairvoyance to appreciate them beyond their seeming.

tell me, where have all the good times gone?

shadows on Mt William.

Grampians rocks.

Grampians sunset.

balcony view.

Port Stephens sunset.

Harbour Bridge.

Sydney Opera House.

damn the Slave Allocation Force!!!

2008-07-18T18:40:00.005+08:00

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? Click here!

You scored [French / Spanish / Other Language]

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in a foreign language, especially French or Spanish as they have a greater use in today's world. But other languages could be useful to you as well, such as Chinese, Japanese, German, Italian, or many others. With a major in a foreign language you could teach, or work for a company as a translator or foreign correspondant.

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. A minor in a foriegn language is useful for ANY major. Also, business or political science are great minors for a foreign language major.

French / Spanish / Other Language 100%

English / Journalism / Comm 94%

Education / Counseling 75%

Political Science / Philosophy 75%

Physics / Engineering / Computer 69%

History / Anthropology / Liberal Arts 63%

Psychology / Sociology 63%

Mathematics / Statistics 63%

HR / Business Management 56%

Accounting / Finance / Marketing 56%

Visual & Performing Arts 50%

Nursing / Athletic Training / Health 44%

Religion / Theology 38%

Biology / Chemistry / Geology 38%

my frustration fades away with the cicadas' cries

2008-07-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

situated in the middle of nowhere, it was a god-forsaken place, miles away from the civilization. the baked earth caused by the scorch of the blazing sun evaporated every single drop of fluid from richard's feet as he braved through the heat barefooted to make his way back to work at the farm. sweat poured off him, while he impeached the motives of God,

'why make me suffer like this?'

he used to lead an apolitical and stressless life. sadly he had to leave his hometown, and was forcibly sold to an infamous organisation known as the Slave Allocation Force. the organisation had initially assigned him to a humongous garage, where he was exposed to many horrifying vehicles. life was good though. he made some friends. but a moment of impulse totally changed his life. he was unfit to continue his service at the garage. in the end he had to be re-assigned to another workplace, which was the farm he's currently working for. this act was to be a sort of convalescence for him, however ironically his condition was worsened.

he misses his friends. he hates being overseen by the repressive tyranny of his master, a veteran farmer. he curses the organisation for always making arbitrary decisions that twisted his life. he weeps at his bitter livelihood being a slave.

this day, he refused to report back to work immediately after lunch. mischievously he strolled around the farm, and was delighted to discover a cosy spot to rest. he sat down soon and closed his eyes, meditating quietly. suddenly all the din fell away, it was amazingly silent, and all he could hear were the strident cries of cicadas. they sounded like as if the cicadas were singing. the wind began to blow towards him, and sollaced him with a sudden embrace of coolness. subconsciously he felt God near him, he felt relaxed and soothed all over. he slowly opened his eyes, the sight before him stupefied him. the sky was lightly tinted in blue, beautifully flushed with white clouds that seemed like marshmallows. he had never seen such beautiful scenes in the farm..

after the strange encounter, he was motivated to transform all ängste into challenges and overcome them. because he knows God loves him.

2008-07-08T20:45:00.003+08:00

bye bye oeti. u'd given me alot. too much too much. thank you.

mama mia

2008-07-07T23:05:00.003+08:00

these few days i really had my fun. yahooooooooo! met up with lotsa friends during the weekends and today! weeeeeeeeeh!

first it was sharon's 21st bday on sat. together with julian, black, sean & ana we attended her party @ her house. the chat that triggered the recollection of the past was the greatest of all. without the 'cat & mouse chase' and our jokers, something seems missing though, but really glad to see the rest again haha. the food was superbly delicious and satiatedly served. we had champagne and cakes baked personally by sharon. she simply loves to bake..

they said i looked 'stoned'. ermm..

julian, sean, ana, sharon & black.
i looked hideous.

then it was emo night out with sexy chao on sun. actually this emo boy came to visit me @ tampines randomly on sat before i left for the bday party. well given our <3 & bonds those few pathetic hours surely aint sufficient enough. so we continued on sun and went in search for some books @ borders. and thanks to rallen & king for their help. *blink blink*

today would be the craziest! the btt29b gang!! calvin's 20th bday! haha. we were laughing from the time we met till the end. they really rox my socks off! we had some pizzas after work before calling it a day. i'll surely miss u guyz man. ARMOUR!!

calvin's a bitch.

sk, cal, sam, jr, sleepy, zs, jar, nikky, shawn.
shit i looked hideous again.

finally got my new posting. and it sux. nah i dun wanna talk about it.

ok i gotta go indulge myself in my 3 newly bought mitch albom's books and doris lessing's divine works for now.

somehow the memories kept haunting me.. your shadows.. the scent of the grass.. the heat from the blazing sun..

i'm not alright but i'll be fine

2008-07-03T22:07:00.001+08:00

i'm really weary of living my days in stagnance. i gotta think of something to relieve my ennui. like robbing a bank, spraying graffiti on my neighbour's car (he's a police.) or feeding myself with cracks. =x

today i was sating myself at one corner reading, when a ~~senile~~ senior superior came into the office abruptly and requested my assistance. i left my comfort zone and followed him unwillingly into his office. guess what? I SWEAR I'D MET THE GRUMPIEST MAN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! the moment i stepped in i could hear him ranting and whining ceaselessly. it's as if the whole world indebted to him of something huge. he spoke so aggressive the other man who was listening to him looked like a boy who'd done something wrong, looking innocently at his ferocious mummy hoping she won't punish him. patheic man.. the most disgusting part was he spoke in a feminine tone. i juz realised i'm in awe of grouchy people! eeeeks!

something's definitely missing. but i'll get over it.
in the meantime i'll just live.

the separation - disclosure of oneself

2008-06-21T13:51:00.003+08:00

btt29b had been officially posted out, almost all of them were attached to the place a.k.a the abyss of boon lay. (luckily i wasnt involved!)

it's only at the verge of estranging one would reveal his true self. he'd speak emotional words he never does, which makes the estrangement bitterly heartwrenching but i believe distances bring people closer. heartfelt appreciation for all the blessings man.

the first day all of us were strangers. all i knew was pissing around with my bmt mates, laughing hysterically like some hopeless asylum regulars. then we gotta start working, i know i've been slacking, but you know.. nobody can force me to do things i loathe.. well some people showed hostility, some displayed patience and thoughtful guidances. slowly we clicked well with each other. the congregation got larger. i'm glad we made it that far. leaving u guyz really saddened me alot. hereby for all the horrible stains, stench, sweat, laughter, homoerotic moments.. CLASS B DRINK UP!! =]

it's never a goodbye, it's time to fly.

some random shots i took laz nite during emo night out with sexy chao.

the roof.
'follow mummy.'

sexy chao. <3

returning home.

the moon, the wheel & the wood block.

the house that reflects the rainbow during nightfall.

i own all of these.

the colored cones.

2008-06-19T23:05:00.000+08:00

curiousity is our no.1 strength. but usually after persistent probes it makes us ended up stupid.

2008-06-19T11:58:00.002+08:00

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

Wonderwall - Oasis

thanks for the memories.

overdosage of deviation kills (what is real beauty?)

2008-06-18T23:07:00.001+08:00

i juz realised something, i cant take too much changes, especially in my life. the most notable symptom would be depression, the one that's more inclined to phenomenal isolation from the people and do things aimlessly. i guess i've became too habituated to my own life, which causes my adaptablity to decline especially when i gotta accept new faces, facts & environment etc. and facts are the hardest.

if only time can freeze at the most beautiful moment.. if only things can be left undivulged.. then everything would be beautiful..

i must be dreaming..

signs of humanity have revived and i'm hopping around merrily

2008-06-15T10:04:00.001+08:00

juz came back from my sat guard duty, well before that i was lamenting to my frenz how unlucky i was to be allocated to this damned schedule, but to my astonishment it turned out to be a rather enjoyable one!

firstly our superiors are youngsters like us, slackers!! they were so friendly we didnt suffer at all. haha well u know the comapany that i'm currently working for, the SA-Flower is kinda XXXXed up, subordination is suppressing me from being myself every now and then till i'm totally breathless and if there's any blunder i'll be undeniably dead and i can kiss my future goodbye. ok back to the guard duty, we had quite an abundant supply of food and sleep so ample i.. hmm.. better not say here.. but all thanks to the benevolent superiors, cheers to them!

had a long spiritually-soothing chat with sk and jr, well everyone has their own life stories, fucked up as it may be, u gotta stick with it, learn from it and move on. =]

previously i mentioned about the ooc, my girls kept bugging me to tell them what the hell was that. well juz HECK CARE!! haha ok it's short term for out-of-course, which means i'm physically unfit to remain in the course so i gotta join another vocation. juz like shuffling of unwanted staffs among the department within the company. yea i'm the wasted one.

tanks may be horrendously disgusting but the frenz i made in this course rox! i'm kinda remorseful upon my decision cuz i'll be separated with them but the rash is really killing me. hereby i wanna give them my best wishes. =]

gotta go prepare for father's day dinner!

i shuddered upon my decision cuz i feel like i'm no longer myself

2008-06-09T20:38:00.000+08:00

OOCed. the end of all turmoils?
is that really wat i'm yearning for?
if only time could turn back. just 3 days will do.
what am i doing to my life?
i kept asking myself..
and i know i'll never get the answer.

the confusion, the relief and everything else

2008-06-01T23:56:00.005+08:00

woke up real early today. had breakfast @ east coast's gelare with terenz before he drove me to ntu cuz he gotta move back to his dormitory. well it's not my first time there but today the distance in between the bus stop and the campus really freaked me out even though i was sitting comfortably in the car. this dialogue kept repeating itself in my mind..

"i gotta drive that far next time?"

in addition to that i'm still awaiting the result of my usc application, the anticipation haunts me everynight when i know that it's morning over there and they might be scanning through my application letter and academical certificates. i know my dad's gonna kill me for my defiance but.. sigh

after that i met up with sexy chao @ IMM. i've been meeting up with this emo boy quite frequently. haha! i guess i love his company and i hope this feeling is mutual. good bro! =]

"i know you're not happy. so do i. let's just look forward to the trip and hope for the best aight dude?"

btw he gave me this link. well wat can i say? guess i'll treasure every piece of meat next time so as to allow the animals to die mission accomplished. Amen~

http://www.chooseveg.com/animal-cruelty.asp

my adventurous yet irate voyage during your absence

2008-05-25T14:28:00.001+08:00

chains of unexpected happenings:

1. siya had decided to stop interrupting us and concentrate in her studies back in good old LA. which i think is so miraculous!
2. serene phoned me whining hk tvb dramas had been banned from crunchyroll. disasterous to the both of us!
3. 4 hours of non-stop badminton with royston & weixin. i was blessed by God cuz i'm still alive here typing!
4. dad is finally back with a very cool watch, but i think it's kinda redundant cuz i dun really like wearing watches..

life goes on. real fast. what about you in seattle?

well my depressing 22 had just passed. met up with few of my friends for dinner. the surprisingly embarrassing dinner @ fish & co., the fabulous chill-out @ chijmes, the laugh-out-loud dinner @ jack's place, and special thanks to aunt matilda for the heartwarming dinner. if you're reading this, the roast chicken was superb. =]

weihong & seechong. i wonder what was weihong eatin'.

ernest & jarrod getting ready for some sexy shots.

i gotta blow the candles without bending down.
well who cares i did it anyway. right chao?

fabian & calvin. photographers of the day! <3

my all-time favourite toy.

they were all drunk. -_-

duncan, hilary & terenz.

it wouldn't budge no matter how hard i pressed the shutter

2008-05-16T23:04:00.003+08:00

hello! havent been updating for so long. yeap yeap i'm still alive.

juz got back from walking oscar and solo reading in the park. another emo night i presume. oscar was so delighted at my sudden urge to walk him that he ran and hopped all over like a little joey. (btw i had a hard time screaming his names!) everything seemed pretty normal, when a somehow randomly abrupt scene whetted my attention.

it was an old lady, sitting on one of the benches, with a pile of boxes stacked up next to her. her hair's completely white, what's worse, she's barefooted. i couldn't bear to imagine how freezing it is to walk barefooted on the cold pavement at night. i wonder how'd she withstand the coldness. or had she experienced things colder than that? immune? not far from her is a playground, children running and laughing wildly all around, their mums occasionally calling out to them. i see concern. as for the old lady. i see solitude. neglected.

she was musing into the blank. what was she thinking of? or was she just simply resting. she left shortly after i'd noticed her. pushing the cart dejectedly away. i wanted to do something, like.. getting her a packet of hot coffee or something? but i juz sat there, i was too.. astonished.

i yearned so much to talk to her, hoping a few minutes of chit-chat might bring her warmth. i wanna listen to her life stories. she must've been through a lot a lot.

seeing lonesome old people always makes me.. not me. a scene i never wanna remember, but can never forget.

my depressing 22. sigh

2008-05-03T13:54:00.000+08:00

Happiness is like a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Another day's over, well one less day to my wake.

2008-05-01T20:15:00.003+08:00

went brunching with royston @ lavender food square. an irony lingered in the air when i exclaimed how delicious the meal was while he drifted away stoning. (at that moment i swear i felt like an idiot.) after interrogating then i realised the heartwrenching mishap of his beloved j.d., a schnauzer struggling to stay alive from an incurable tumor on his backside. i felt sorry for him. and j.d. is really a nice dog. God bless.

after that i rushed down to tiong bahru to catch 'Ironman' with seechong, sexy chao, weihong & kenneth. thanks to the labour day vacation we're able to meet up. the show was wow that's so amazing! and the part where tony stark flew half the globe to redeem his sins really touched me.

grabbed some new books before calling it a day.

tis song is so cool but the vehicles.. well basically the whole thing made me wanna throw up. *huak* thanks to terenz.

gathering fragments of nought to form something magnificent

2008-04-25T22:39:00.003+08:00

life's getting harder and duller. time's getting longer to pass by. there seems to be 1000000 hours a day. and i seem to have infinite loads of incomplete tasks to accomplish. and even 1000000 damn hours are not ample enough.

and most importantly.. i have insufficient sleeps!

if only ending all these turmoils is as simple as hanging up a phonecall by some hideous salesperson.

'click! toot.. toot..'

or losing all 3 lives in a video game and the heading shows:

'Game over richard you're dead so get your ass on and out!' accompanied by a very childish melody.

i seriously think tanks & engines are disgusting..

2008-04-18T23:59:00.001+08:00

i feel like going out now and run around the neighbourhood screaming my lungs out like a mad man barefooted, hoping i'll fall into the drain and drowned to death, or being gushed away by the water to indonesia and got eaten up by some cannibal tribes. or simply knock down by a car.

crushcrushcrush

2008-04-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

this goddamned shit is returning again.. after so many years? i feel like crying out loud now. i wanna scream my lungs out. i feel like jumping off from a 25th storey flat nearby, enjoying the sensation of being superman for a few seconds, and land with a loud bang. i need something loud. loud enough to wake me up.

why is she so.. inconsistent? or maybe i'm thinking too much again. but..

God if this shit is destined to make me feel this way, why let me get into this shit in the first place? God can you hear me?

nothing's bothering me. really it's nothing.

2008-04-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

There's nothing i hate more than nothing
Nothing keeps me up at night
I toss and turn over nothing
Nothing could cause a great big fight

Edie Brickell "Nothing"

i woke up with this bad headache i'd wished i never wake up

2008-04-13T10:25:00.003+08:00

i dun wanna digress this thinking of mine anymore. though it may sound kinda intricate but bear with me.

this question suddenly comes to my mind. what exactly am i pursuing. for myself? for the one i love? my family? i thought i'm considered quite a selfless person, later then an awareness struck me, revealing and realising the ugly nature of human. all of us, only care for our families & loved ones, who'd care for a complete stranger? well that depends.. alright i dun wanna make unnecessary comparison (see i gotta classify what type of strangers i'll assist). we care in reciprocation of something else. compassion. incentive. recognition. conscience. too much too much to name. (would u die for a stranger?)

at a quiet and dark notch of my room i ponder upon this. memories started rolling in my mind. i'm.. actually a selfish ugly human too? i had been overcompensating most of the time instead of giving? oh yeah now i'm gonna declare that behind the benevolent façade of mine lies an imperceptible selfishness.

everything can be broken. suddenly i feel that everything is so fragile. the anomalies of this society caused me to feel that conjugal vows seems so meaningless when i read about family abuses and mounting divorces.

it's just too foolish..

the hunt is beginning so get the adrenalin flowing

2008-04-13T01:16:00.002+08:00

emo night out with sexy chao last night. <3 in fact it was just few hours ago. >.< nah actually not that emo la. we were in a joyful joyful mood. the shit-twirl thingy. our juniors got flushed away. the grabbing of each other's d&t (ding dong & toot toot). =x oh and i kept poking 'the eye' behind his back. lower back. ahhhh~

the sumptuous dinner was the climax. though the main course was not really that impressive, the salad bar & clam chowder simply rox! haha.

the movie we watched kept me thinking. to a certain extent i find it so realistic. like this society that i'm finding it harder & harder to live in. the victims wouldn't have died should the pointless and redundant curiosity of the mass didn't exist at all.

looking forward to our pro-ord getaway dude! =]

oh and i wanna share this advertisement. or is it a prank?

i seriously think this person needs to get a life.

a dashboard that i'm wearing everyday to shun unhappiness away

2008-04-11T20:35:00.001+08:00

i have a confession to make.. *inhale*

ENGINES ARE DISGUSTING!
I HATE TANKS!
MAINTAINANCE?! MAINTAIN MY ASS!!

if you'd think that i'm crying and yelling and smashing my keyboard and pulling my hair (yeah i wish i had!) as i write this post. you're right. nah not to that extent la.

i aint frustrating over the things you see seemingly, something's wrong with me, the problem is hidden deep within the core. I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST MYSELF. there're no more 'richard', 'zhaowen', or 'manman' when u call those names cuz all u'll see is a odious looking guy who seems to be dying soon from some incurable plague with a bad breath responding to you.

i wanna put a complete cease to my headache! that's it! i feel like clobbering my head continuously with a brick until the skull rips apart and pull out the problem! and be comatose for 2 years. =x

heard from ah wei this morning that he's gonna be freed from all the torturing soon! congrats! meet up with ya soon! *sobx* (i'm still being tortured.)

gotta meet up with terenz now. off i go!

i'm losin' it (the way that i cant even feel my stand)

2008-04-06T22:17:00.002+08:00

emo night out solo. haha what a phrase. the things i did this couple of days seemed to revolve around being 'emo'..

finally met up with weixin, royston & aaron for a game. it was wild as we indulged in the thrill. the longer we played the more we wanna sweat it out >.< ok it's actually tennis. had an 'emo' chat with the boys as we entered each others' souls deeply. ahhhhh. =X realising that it's late and we gotta catch the train! really miss them. all the shit we had done during our internship.. the cupcake & the scoreboard. there's no way i'm gonna forget about them man.

dined with tingting & serene. wth the galz look more & more outstanding while sadly i became a.. missionary monk? hey tatz not fair? well who to blame? ermmm i better keep mum 'bout that. *look away* serene couldnt stop pinching me for not meeting up with them. and tingting basically did nothing but laughed, smoked, smsed. grrr <3

last but not least the siblings. hey 'the siblings' has became a prominent name for u 2 man. maybe u 2 would like to join some band contests and call yourself 'the siblings'? haha thx for the consoles and treats all along. terenz the ~~gay~~ great & chloe the white. muackz.

went for a horrible brain scan few days ago. slept on this metallic moving bed with a blanket comfortably sitting on top of me. i was well-covered, feeling warm despite the aircon, and in the midst of falling asleep, i thought i was cosily placed in a coffin about to be cremated? hey wait i'm not dead? and they injected a radioactive chemical called contrast dye into my body claming that it'd produce a clearer visibility of my brain. wow a burning flow of liquid gushed through my veins like i've mastered some divine taiji kungfu or wat, and in the end i was warded for drug allergy. -_-

though the emo night out solo didnt take very long. i really enjoyed it. the profound silence. the space. i could move so fast. i felt myself levitating. i drifted between shelves and flipped several titles @ the border. realising i havent been doing this for... a few months? that was kinda nostalgic. =] grabbed a new book before i returned home, the shops were closing anyway.

i was amazed at how straight the line was, as i drew a line with a razor blade across my pale leg, i thought that was fun. so i did a few more times, using more strength and slit less cautiously. through the pain i feel myself.

everything's so fucked up and i wanna die

2008-04-01T22:03:00.001+08:00

my life is never the way it is since it turned rotten recently. it went totally havoc and i'm beginning to lose my instincts, like spelling apple 'e-l-p-p-a' or waking up every morning to my disgust realising that i'm still alive.

when i thought that everything was well-planned and getting ready to go through a hideous scripted motion (yes my daily activities have to be carried out promptly as if i'm in a military school or somethin'. oh great! i am.) everything starts to get fucked up and the hellish feeling of incompleteness starts to torment me, causing me to question myself, what the hell am i doing?

i dunno why but i'm always not on the right mind. how i wish someone could slap me on my cheeks continuously till my whole face swells like as if i'm wearing an astronaut's headwear. tat might make me more sober.

i dunno why i'm left with no choices. I HAVE TOTALLY LOST MANEUVERS OF MY OWN LIFE. i cant say 'no'. my authority was overtaken by that sinister dark shadow who snatched away the holy pen which i used to write my life and misuse it. (omg now i know where mas selamat is!)

i dunno why.. why.. i'm still alive? i need time. as in i need more time to do my own things!

the shortness of life makes everything seems so meaningless when i think of the longness of death.

i tink i need a psychologist, before i finish up a bottle of anthrax or sleeping pills, and sleep so blissfully my frenz and relatives were circling around me i didnt even notice. and after that i'd feel heat, and flames devouring me, slowly i'd fade away from this world. remember me.

i am so so tired.

still findin' my way (part 2)

2008-03-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

after being smitten all over and all the 'o, love is in the air!', it's time to return to the reality. the scene at the sea-tac airport will always be a catalyst to make me push further till that day..

those weren't tears of sorrow and unwillingness to part with each other. they were symbolism of pride. tat we've actually made it that far. <3

i cancelled my hk trip to go to the chalet organized by my bmt platoon mates. all the shit we had done and been through during the past few weeks kept circling in my mind while i was on the way back. after arriving i hopped into a cab as fast as i could and sped off. the reunion was simply fabulous.

we played mahjong, watched movies, ate together(though mostly mac), late night chit-chats, ghost story session(the best!), and not to omit the homoerotic moments. >.<

everyone has diff expressions while playing mahjong. erm...

and playing 'silent hill' too?

fabian finally found his toothpick.

me & zichao caught in the act.

sexy chao posing for latest issue of rabbit boy monthly.
sorry but i cant stop laughing. *snorts*

worn out after all the passion..

i'm impressed that calvin actually managed to shy away from the camera in the midst of being raped.

omg la i really have no idea what were they doing.

still findin' my way (part 1)

2008-03-22T00:18:00.002+08:00

shalom i'm back! wow i had been threatened with menaces like poking needles into the gaps in between my fingernails, stepping ceaselessly on my manhood and getting ugly betty to strip before me if...... i still refuse to update. wahaha. so tada! here i am. =]

before i start off i wanna dedicate this post to my toes. they used to be so adorable but now.. they turned completely purple like as if they had eaten too much eggplants? sobx

ok so before i embarked on my voyage in search of 'annie' in sleepless seattle. i met up with my bmt mates for a lunch and movie date @ vivo. trust me the lunch was horrible. the tartare sauce was so sour i could feel my tongue badly scorched by the acid in it. and the movie was utterly dull i was anticipating the ending instead.

seechong & fabian.
is the logo of that restaurant prominent enough?

i was marveled at the fact that he's high on esctacy so openly.

and after tat would be the tedious journey across the pacific ocean. i had cramps all over i almost squeezed myself into a humongous ball and screamed hysterically like some escapees from the asylum. but all stupid acts were restrained by the befalling of that moment. you. the divine you.

the astonishing way you covered your mouth and that teary eyes.
tatz the true meaning of the whole journey.
the exchanges we had on the top of the space needle.
they were chants to ensure me a safe journey back.
the affirmed nod you gave me.
it motivated me to work hard for the day to come. i love you.

to be continued.

band of broz

2008-03-11T23:42:00.000+08:00

gotta finish up this post before the clock strikes 12 man.. today is the laz day of my bmt la. though i got to book out earlier with daniel but we still went back to pasir ris interchange to bid the rest of our platoon mates last goodbye.

no matter how fucked up the trainings were, how empty i felt deep within, whenever i went back up to 4th storey my platoon mates sure knew how to make up for that.

WHISKEY PLATOON 3 01/08!! =D

rejoice & resent

2008-03-08T20:08:00.002+08:00

a relaxing day. =] went down to bedok central with terenz & chloe. the siblings headed to the salon while i anticipatingly sprinted to the library as fast as i could.

to my dismay i couldnt find my desired titles once again!! this is already the second attempt! grrr i was torn into pieces at the disappointing absence and scattered all over the carpeted floor like some unwanted trash. luckily i was back to one piece when other intriguing ones beckoned at me. haha. sat down and spent almost 2 hours reading when chloe called. took a bite @ LJ and made our departure out from the construction site when a horrifying scene startled me. the whole pedestrians' passageway was blocked by squatting chinese workers from the construction site! the atmosphere kinda resembled geylang. =X and chloe was laughing at my abrupt groan.

i'm going to be freed! freed! [in a daze of sleepless seattle..]

contradicting

2008-03-02T21:36:00.001+08:00

back from hell once again! *wide grinz*

though i kept discriminating it like as if there's no tomorrow, deep in my heart i kinda like that place. that's where i committed the stupidest blunders, being made the biggest joke of the day, received the warmest regards, especially when i needed 'em the most, attained the lousiest greetings, and i reciprocated that by faking the most faked smile, planted curses so atrocious nothing's gonna break 'em.. what am i doin' to my life? who am i to say anyway?

next week is the last. i can say i've became stronger. slightly. is it better? there were times i could really break down in tears, punched someone real hard in the face, but i managed to apply possible restraints on those brutal moves. cuz you told me not to.

went brunching with dad & mum. damn i cant resist the beef noodle it's super duper yummy. sorry cow. mooo.

met up with nicole after that. (really sorry for all the rejects guyz but this friend of mine is flying off and ~~she's a hot supermodel.~~ so she gets the priority. i'll definitely make up for that.) oh and today everywhere we went the eyes were all on her. damnit! baby you're dangerous in short skirts. *inhaling through the gap of my teeth* and she couldnt keep her hands off my head! haha funny gal. guess where's the place i spent most of the time hovering around? MPH! i spent a spiritful 2 hours there reading up some of the books. i've got several titles on my hand now! =]

saw this video at fabian's blog. he's so wicked to post that. it simply rox!! though it's kinda gay somewhere here & there but overall a thumb-up compliment for its creativity rounds it up. enjoy.

blinded with melancholy

2008-02-23T14:57:00.002+08:00

when i was getting accustomed to my life and indulging in it sensuously, pitiful me was forcibly taken away from the cosiness and left stranded in a dark dark silence to survive on my own.

when i thought the beginning of an end is nearing, the end of beginning approaches instead. i cried out in despair.

it's almost impossible for 2 become 1, let alone a hundred or thousand. it's a torment actually.

breathe all i can

2008-02-17T13:46:00.000+08:00

i'm back.

i'm leavin' again today.

it juz doesn't make sense aint it?

a period of lethargy.. i need to freshen up after that..

the callings

2008-02-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

browsed through several folders of old songs which i havent been listening for... a year? and surprisingly i could sing all of 'em without lyrics.

as the music was being played the melodies brought along recollection of the past. chapter by chapter. i'm glad i haven't forgotten 'bout 'em.

gonna leave the past behind and continue searchin' the future~
past will always be in the memories. deserted?..

hello. goodbye. SeeYA.

callin' out to me

2008-02-08T18:29:00.001+08:00

gong xi gong xi! haha.
the cny getaway was fabulous.
sumptuous dinner & get-togethers. *wide grinz*
last but no least, a piece of silence to myself.

outta the blue. i think of you.
the times we spent together.
they're making a change.
they're coming right back to haunt me.
causing me to break my promise.
i can't concentrate no longer.
if only things were revocable..

my hands were shaking as i held on to my belief.
i shied away from reality. eschewed the facts.
the realm of stagnance is like a hiatus in my life.
everything is an ethereality.
i find myself disembodied.

you, as poised as you are.
you tamed my waywardness.
you're the best portrayal of angels.
you gave me the most earnest and poignant consoles & prayers.
you turned me into a doper.
can't bear to kick you off. never will i do. i'm lovin' it.

how am i gonna survive?
living with ferocious snarls & hoyden demeanuor.
i pouted miserably at those boisterousness.
hoping i'd grow from their overbearingness.

reborn

2008-02-06T16:57:00.000+08:00

i'm back.

when i was inside,

my visibility were never clear,

both eyes were blurred by intense nostalgia & exposure,

exposed to a brand new world,

somewhere i have to go,

to have my mission completed,

i'm dutiful eh?

breathe-taking moments..

as i made my virgin's attempt to march, maneuver a rifle, swim. >.<

how to get screwed and remain emotion-less.

never say 'ya' & 'huh' or else a nasty remark would be shot back to you.

in.endure.fuckoff

practise that and your life would be so much better.

and if everyone's thinking this way,

why is there a need for its existence in the first place?

i was created in spring,
when rainbow arched peacefully over the horizon.
summer snow delineated me.
when the rain of autumn ceased i'll be back from my voyage,
quietly i'll fade away in the chiil of winter, gone with the wind.

keep on walkin'

2008-01-24T21:33:00.000+08:00

laz day @ MK. like a graduation. heartwarming moment with a pinch of sorrow, tears dangling, urging to drip. even though there's a possibility i may return but only as a part-timer. another chapter ended. life's like this aint it?

lady boss gave me a BIG red packet. haha. realli thankz a lot. somehow i feel that i didn't contribute alot. emotions overwhelmed with remorse and melancholy as distance furthered, quite a contradiction.

"party set. fax copy. MK good afternoon. get her to assist you. international cuisine. 30 pax."

another new chapter's about to start, like stage curtains waiting impatiently to be pulled up. they're kinda heavy though, like my feelings now. but no matter what the show must go on. so is my life..

~gone with the wind~ ver. 1.0

Leave me alone.

worst fire escape route?

it just went round and round.